You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
