just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
