im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
