Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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