I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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