Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
