I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
