Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
