I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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