Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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