i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
