I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
