its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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