You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
