So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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