My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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