O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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