Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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