Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
