I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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