Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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