I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
