every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
