She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
