his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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