either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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