he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
