remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
