he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
