What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
