like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
