my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
