My nipple is on Facebook.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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