I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
