I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
