We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
