no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
