now i know why i became what i already was.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
