Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
