Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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