Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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