I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
