that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
