How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
