Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
