All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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