Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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