is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
