I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
