Define "chronic" masturbator.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
