He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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